Image Credit: GirlGetMarried
Effective/ great/ good communication in our romantic relationships are non-negotiable. It needs to exist as the foundation for a healthy relationship.
I asked around about communication in relationships… let’s delve in!
Constant communication is what makes a relationship easy. It is what establishes trust because you can talk about any and everything. If your partner is not communicating with you it must be the underlying cause of a different issue. Some partners may be shy and It may take a while for them to open up. When marriage becomes a topic, there should be no boundaries or shyness. I personally would not marry someone who couldn’t communicate his thoughts with me or lacked the initiative to check on me every few hours.
From my experience being in a long distance relationship, one absolute no-no is “assuming your partner knows you have had a busy day and wouldn’t mind if you didn’t talk or check in with her for a day.”
“Never assume that your partner automatically knows how you feel. Especially if you’re not okay with something he/she did.” If you don’t communicate, your partner may not even know you’re upset.
Live in the now. Tomorrow is far away. If you love someone, say so. The repercussions of holding your breath are usually not worth it.
Dele and Halima go way back… way back to a time of purity, innocence and child-like love. Dele always liked Halima, but never said so. Halima was a free bird. Hard to pin down. She was very much aware of the emotions from Dele, but she was not going to say a word, and they were babies.
You see, there’s this thing about love, love does not respect your boundaries. Love does not care if you’re ready, or not. You think love addresses age? No… You can find love at 2, or 10, maybe 22, could be 58, or even 83… There is no set age for love. I can only hope and pray that if you’re old enough to read and understand this write-up, you have at one point, or currently are experiencing love. Love is stronger than death. It consumes your being.
Now, would this love, romantically, be possible to be felt by one person for two individuals? Have we ever really thought about polygamy? How do people come to terms with ‘sharing their love?’
‘I hate my job!’
‘My parents/ siblings/ family/ significant other/ friends/ celebrities keep pushing my nerves! I can’t wait to get out!’
‘Gosh! This is so irritating! Could you just stop it!’
‘Henry’s mouth stinks so bad! He is gross.’
‘Folake keeps wearing the same shoes! It’d be nice for her to switch it up sometime.’
We are almost all guilty of thinking, or saying these at one point or the other. Welcome to life. There are high times, there are low times. There are times when you feel like nothing could be going better for you, and time when you feel like nothing is going right for you! In those high times, we tend to be oh so jolly, but in the low times, what do we resolve to?
It’s really easy to complain. As much as there is caution to stop complaining, many times even from ourselves, we get a good feeling from venting out our concerns! Bottling things in can also be very risky. So, where do we draw the line?
I would like to test out putting a spin on our ‘complain models’ by suggesting we do the following. I can only pray that I am able to follow my own advice as this is also a weakness of mine.
‘The worst thing anyone can do, is to take advantage of how good and nice someone is to them, and how much they love and care for them. It pretty much feels like being stabbed in the heart.’ – Rosemary Inegbese.
Funke was living her happy life when Dinko decided he would ignite a friendship. Funke, the lovely lady that she is, decided to give this friendship a shot. Funke had never been one to believe in strong friendships with people of the opposite sex because, so many times in the past, she crossed the line between her ‘close male friends.’ Dinko seemed like a rather decent guy. He did not have any problems, really easy to communicate with, caring, and good looking. Their budding friendship lasted for a few months, before the feelings evolved into something bigger.
Dinko and Funke started ‘dating,’ but in true fashion of what most of the dating scenes look like today, there were no titles attached to their relationship. But what do you call a ‘friendship’ where you stay on the phone for hours, sleep off to the snoring of the other party, exchange gifts, over use the kissy face emojis, hold hands, cuddle, kiss, and pretty much ‘be in a relationship? It’s called ‘situationship.’ Beat that. This went on for a few happy months. Funke is the go-to-girl for relationship advice. She is well known by her friends for not sugar coating anything, which allows them fully rely on Funke for solid, unbiased advice. With her being the star of this ‘mess,’ her view unequivocally got hazy.
I’ve never been one to seek out deeper meanings behind why things happen. The way I see things, they happen because they’re meant to happen, because God wants them to happen. The real reasoning will somehow become apparent when it’s supposed to. I’ve found it the last few weeks, however, that sometimes you should see situations for the wake up call they are. You should actively make the choice to acknowledge your situation then consciously decide how you will allow it to affect you.
I know this all sounds hypothetical and generalized so let me give you an example. It’s Wednesday evening, around five o’clock and I’m about to head out to this concert I’ve been looking forward to for months. Out of the blues, I get a very shady text message from my supposed friend. I’m not one to text and drive, so I stand by my house rapidly texting with her back and forth. Rather than antagonizing the situation further, I calmly and respectfully explain to her that when there is a problem, as friends, we should be able to discuss and resolve it without being nasty towards each other.
After twenty minutes or so, this ‘friend’ seemed to calm down and the issue was resolved. I got in my car and proceeded to drive to the concert. On this drive, I thought about what just transpired. Why would someone I’m friends with come at me like that? This was not the first time she had come at me like this. Every time this has happened, I’ve been the adult and tried to work the problem. Why do I continue to let this person’s negativity and drama ruin my mood, peace of mind, and excitement for this concert I’m driving to? All this while I’m driving feeling severely tense. Then, the car in front of me stops, so I stop. BAM! This black battering ram in the shape of an Audi A4 slams straight into the back of me.
This is a submission from a reader. My response will be dedicated to a blog post next week, please stay tuned. I know her choice of abortion will be upsetting to some of you. Please remember there is a human at the receiving end of what you say. See this as an opportunity to post encouraging words for someone going through this now, or who may end up in a similar fix in the future.
A week later, the reality of the situation is finally hitting me. I’m at an event, sitting beside a barely pregnant woman and I run to the bathroom, tearing up. I was sad before, but I am just realizing what I have done. I cry for my child that did not get a chance, I cry for myself, for not being able to protect my unborn from the bashful words of her maternal grandparents. I cry for her father, let’s call him Grey, who did everything he could to be there for me. I cry for Grey more because he has always been consistent with his loving actions – from the day we met, until, and after the day of the procedure. Grey was vehemently against the abortion, but I chose my family over him.
Love me today
Tomorrow is not guaranteed
Forgive me today
It becomes your burden when I am gone
Show me Christ today
Heaven is for the saved
Hold me today
My body gets excited by yours
Buy me flowers today
The nose of the dead don’t work
Sing to me today
I want to enjoy the resounding tones
Dance with me today
My vibrant body desires to move