‘I hate my job!’
‘My parents/ siblings/ family/ significant other/ friends/ celebrities keep pushing my nerves! I can’t wait to get out!’
‘Gosh! This is so irritating! Could you just stop it!’
‘Henry’s mouth stinks so bad! He is gross.’
‘Folake keeps wearing the same shoes! It’d be nice for her to switch it up sometime.’
We are almost all guilty of thinking, or saying these at one point or the other. Welcome to life. There are high times, there are low times. There are times when you feel like nothing could be going better for you, and time when you feel like nothing is going right for you! In those high times, we tend to be oh so jolly, but in the low times, what do we resolve to?
It’s really easy to complain. As much as there is caution to stop complaining, many times even from ourselves, we get a good feeling from venting out our concerns! Bottling things in can also be very risky. So, where do we draw the line?
I would like to test out putting a spin on our ‘complain models’ by suggesting we do the following. I can only pray that I am able to follow my own advice as this is also a weakness of mine.
- Say something nice first:
If you truly feel like speaking on Henry’s mouth stank, say something nice about his hair. I believe that purposely seeking out the good in someone will help us overlook some of the things we find annoying
- Provide a solution:
If you think someone has an issue, try to proffer a solution. If you are tired of seeing Jimbo wear the same shirt, buy him two new shirts for his next birthday.
- Have an action plan:
If you detest your job, and you don’t have enough financial stability to leave the job, you should try to be thankful for the paycheck that you are getting, and encourage yourself, no matter how daunting it is, to apply to a new job at least three times a week.
- Be kind:
You simply never know what someone is going through! I remember meeting a lady at a professional event. Ladies and gentlemen, when I tell you her hair was untamed, believe me! I had never seen anything like it before. After the event, I was a little embarrassed that she came to talk to me… I’m allowed an honest moment, right? Y’all!! I didn’t want anyone to see me talk to her.
Soon after we started talking, she opened up that she had just lost her mom in the last 6 weeks and her world stopped. She sunk into depression, her siblings were not supportive, and she was just starting the process of getting back on her feet!
I felt so guilty for how I felt. I gave her a nice embrace after that.
- Think of yourself first:
The first step is to know and admit that you’re not perfect. After this, think about how you would feel if you walk into a room and hear people complaining about something you know is a weakness of yours. Would you feel uplifted? How would you feel? Empathize with the person or situation you want to complain about in this way.
- Say it to their face:
Sade telling Dele that Fola pees on the bed does not stop Fola from peeing on the bed, It simply lets Dele know that Fola pees. In situations, we may be forced to have tough conversations. I have had to tell a girl about her body odor. Before you go into these types of conversations, you want to ensure you have some type of relationship with the person, and do your best not to sound like you’re superior to them. When I had to talk to the girl about her smell, I asked question in a gentle way, and found out she was living with wicked relatives, which just threw her off her ‘mojo.’ She appreciated the conversation, and I was so glad I had it.
Still in the spirit of honesty, I can’t lie. My first reaction was to text back and forth with my friend, and we laughed about it, then to make a series of snaps to explain the horror I thought I’d experienced.
It was when I got home to my privacy, did I realize that my reaction was disgusting, and the Holy Spirit gave me the strength and wise words to reach the girl.
We need to all be open to corrections, No matter how ‘good’ we think we are, no one likes to be criticized. When tough conversations have to happen, let’s try to use this as a guideline.
Please share a time you had to have a very uncomfortable conversation with someone. How’d it go? Also, feel free to share a time you complained about a situation, and how in retrospect that was not the best approach!
Thanks you for reading. Please remember to follow my blog! I will see you next Thursday at 12noon EST!