This is a submission from a reader. My response will be dedicated to a blog post next week, please stay tuned. I know her choice of abortion will be upsetting to some of you. Please remember there is a human at the receiving end of what you say. See this as an opportunity to post encouraging words for someone going through this now, or who may end up in a similar fix in the future.
A week later, the reality of the situation is finally hitting me. I’m at an event, sitting beside a barely pregnant woman and I run to the bathroom, tearing up. I was sad before, but I am just realizing what I have done. I cry for my child that did not get a chance, I cry for myself, for not being able to protect my unborn from the bashful words of her maternal grandparents. I cry for her father, let’s call him Grey, who did everything he could to be there for me. I cry for Grey more because he has always been consistent with his loving actions – from the day we met, until, and after the day of the procedure. Grey was vehemently against the abortion, but I chose my family over him.
Allow me to praise Grey for a moment. As with everything, there is an exception to the rule, but He showed me that indeed, “age is just a number.” At 21, Grey acts like a 35 year old, he is a true old soul. From his eloquent style of speaking French and English, to his work ethic, no one compares to him. Chivalry may be dead, but he restores my faith that there are still some gentlemen left in this world. When we found out about the pregnancy, Grey became even more responsible as if he was the one carrying the bundle. I weep as I recall. From my cravings, to morning sickness he was always present, and reassuring me that he will never leave my side. Grey naturally took on the role of a father and provider.
I will always regret that I took away Grey’s chance of being the best possible father to our daughter, and I blame MY parents and for that. The pressure from them was unbearable. His pain is my pain and I will carry that burden for a while. I’m hurt, very hurt but no one seems to understand my point of view and my reasoning for deciding to obey my parents and get an abortion.
In an African household, talking about sex is restricted, regardless of your age. Now, imagine getting pregnant out of wedlock! That is seen as a huge taboo! For me, telling my family was the most fearful thing I could ever do. I was also being pressured on my Grey’s side to let my parents know so we could get things moving. That may have scared me even more. I waited until the 4th month, then I reasoned, ‘if I tell them, the most they will do is kick me out of their home.’ I was ready to accept that because Grey has his own place, and I was ready to move in with him.
I finally mustered up the courage, packed a bag, and told them. I was ready to accept the consequences, or I thought I was. Telling my parents was the worst decision I made. What followed that is such a blur and nothing anyone should hear from their family. I first told my mom, she exclaimed, “You have killed me o!!” As dramatic as African parents are, I was not surprised at that reaction. The next step was to tell my father. My parents and sat in the living room… the first words out of my father’s mouth was, “go to (African country, name withheld) to get an abortion and get rid of it!” I blanked out.
I did not want to show the shock on my face or any tears, but I was dying. He repeated it over and over, then added this, “if you don’t do it, I would leave you all here, and never come back because of the embarrassment you will cause me.” This is my baby, an innocent child who has no idea of what is going on and did not ask to be here. How can a baby cause so much chaos? My father made it all about himself and how people view him in the society. That is one thing I will never forgive him for. He showed no compassion and my mother sat there, agreeing with whatever he said.
They drove me to the clinic twice. I couldn’t bring myself to do it the first time. I cried the whole time I was in the waiting room, I cried when they called my name, I cried when the payment was being made, I cried during the ultrasound, I cried when they inserted the anesthesia in me & I cry now remembering all of the pain I was feeling. This is a pain that will not go away in a long time because it was something I truly wanted and was ready for with all my heart. I sacrificed my unborn child for a relationship with my parents that may never be the same.
The only thing keeping me sane is the fact that between God & me, Grey truly knew that the abortion was not my choice. I accept the responsibility for going through with it, but I will never accept the actions behind me. My own parents, who I thought would be there no matter what difficult situations arise, COERCED me to have abort my child. Grey continues to amaze me daily, by still being there for me after everything. I robbed him of his first chance to be the greatest father yet he still answers my calls and text messages at any time. There aren’t many like him. I am truly grateful for having the chance to know him and to say that we had something special.
My only hope is for everyone involved to be at peace with the decision and pray we are no longer in this predicament. This whole ordeal and Grey’s unconditional love, has made me want to explore a religion outside of my norm, a religion that forgives and accepts a person no matter their flaws and mistakes. As for Grey and I, I pray that God leads us in the right path and if we are meant to be together we shall. I truly believe that this is not how we were supposed to end, and this will bring us even closer. The trust will be hard to get back and the doubts will be there but I can only hope that my actions show how I choose him just like he has chosen me.
Surprisingly, I miss the morning sickness, the cravings, the belly rubs, but I know God never does anything without reason, and that reason shall be revealed soon enough. I pray for understanding of the situation and peace of mind as I continue on with life. I will always think about what my life would have turned out to be if I went through with the pregnancy, but dwelling on the past will not change anything. I’m going to the next phase of my life with an open mind and as Gods way of giving me another chance to make better decisions.
Please leave your comments below. I will see you next Thursday, same place, same time. Please connect with me on all social media platforms @oreofetalks and feel free to send me anything you would like me to post, or any questions or topics you will like me to address. Remember to hit the follow button, and leave your email so you get an email every time a blog post goes life! Have a terrific weekend, and my encouragement to you this week is: Jesus is Enough!