A few years ago, a friend introduced me to a book, ‘5 love languages.’ The summary of this book is that, each individual has a unique love language—words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, or physical touch—that best fills their love. It encourages couples to share their discovered love language with their significant other (S.O), so that they can be loved the way they need to be loved. You can see more on the love languages here.
It’s always been tough for me to rank my love languages because, at one point or the other, I need each one of these love languages from my S.O, if not all. A few weeks ago, a friend, my younger brother, Demi, and I were discussing these love languages. As we went through the meaning of each, my list kept changing. Earlier this week, Demi shoots me a message of his thoughts on the matter. After reading it, I thoughy, ‘YESSSS!! My love languages are all the love languages, and I hope and pray that with adequate communication, mutual understanding, and genuine love for one another, my, and your S.O would be able to love us the way we need to be loved, in the different moments of life.’
Demi’s Expose (with my edits) – 5 Love Languages
My! I was thinking last night. Love languages should not be discussed; they should be discovered. If your tell your S.O asks that your love language is ‘acts of service,’ the next day, he’she takes your dirty car for a deep clean. You will be super excited right? Yes, I would be too.
Now picture this second scenario. You wake up Monday morning and get ready to go to work. As you prepare, you’re thinking, “good God! I really need to get my car clean. It’s been a mess but I just haven’t had time.” You finish up your makeup, grab breakfast and get into your car to zoom off. Guess what? It’s clean! There’s a little post-it on the steering that says “I know you get super excited when I do something nice for you. Have a lovely day, babe!”
How would this compare? Of course, I made the second scenario sound nicer, but my point is, it’ll mean more if the person doesn’t even need to ask you what your love language is and they do something you need, and is so sweet for you.
When we discuss love languages, it leads to our S.Os trying to impress us. But when we discover, it shows that they pay attention to our needs ,our likes, our dislikes, etc. There is a difference. In my little experience, the second is better because, they might be trying to impress you for many reasons. Granted, you can say the same for paying attention, but in many ways, it speaks more volume.
In my opinion, most importantly, discovering creates balance. If my S.O tells me her love language is quality time, I’m going to concentrate mostly on that by creating time in my schedule and making sure I see her often, maybe more often than I would have if she did not tell me this was her love language. However, I’ll inherently slack in many other areas because, I’ll feel like I’m giving her what she wants, and doing it to the best of my ability.
Discovering your S.O’s love language could be translated as: Today, I take you to a movie and we hold hands, or cuddle through out. Tomorrow, I get you a pair of shoes. The next day, it’s lying on the roof of my car and staring at stars by the lake while we talk. Then I run errands for you. On Wednesday I call you and tell you you’re amazing and going to kill that job interview. Discovering love languages forces you to work in a full circle over and again with all the languages because it’s nearly impossible to determine someone’s love language from one activity or a select handful.
Eventually, when you do discover the love language your S.O reacts best to, you maybe would do more of that, but you won’t neglect the rest. You’ll realize your S.O loves various things, in various moments of their life. If you are serious about the relationship, you would be committed to finding new ways to love them, daily.
One of my fav Instagram guys, Beau Taplin, said, ‘This heart of mine has only two settings: Nothing at all, or too much. There is no in-between.’ When you find the one who does the latter to you, find every reason to be present in the relationship, and make it work! May we discover new ways to show love to those we love!
I love reading your comments! Please let me know if you think you have a definite love language, or don’t care at all for one or two of the 5 love languages. Also, was there a time your S.O acted solely based on the love language you told them?
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